Перевод песни MF Doom – Kookies

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It’s horrible
One little evening alone, home
End up with carpal tunnel syndrome
And here I am, known for giving heavy back aches
Grown and living off of Little Debbie snack cakes
Supposed to be checking e-mails
All I got is messages from ass naked females
I don’t know a Jenny, she said it’s free and I won’t owe her a penny
And that’s the last time I saw her
But thousands of more horrors on online Gomorrah
And Sodom
They got 'em with they curls out
And they got a better sales pitch than the Girl Scouts
I wonder what I owe her
For a whole box of caramel coconut samoa
«Nite nite!»
Uh, ok honey, sweet dreams! Now it’s time to get serious like Peek Freans
A metal hand full, wipe it on the quilt
Wife wake up and I’m kill’t over spilt milk
Locked in, looking at your picture
Fully clothed winter and I right there wit cha
Thinking about the last time I split your wishbone
A man could only wish you could do the same 'til he get home
Fat chance
At least he get snacks
That will have to do 'til a brother get back
Until then, smack One-Eyed Jack
And hope one of his peoples can hook him with a tri-pack
That’s three different flavors
Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry wafers
Acting all hard, bout to get beat up
I’ll show him what time it is once I get this sheet up
Soon as he fell off the beat down
All I hear is (13th cell, put the sheet down)
Damn C.O.,
What the hell do she know
Besides the fact she wanna get dug out on the d-low
A workaholic with a fountain in the ink pen
Out in the mountains and I stopped drinking again
In the wee hours he’s gotten farther
Needing three showers, being hot and bothered
The whiz with her legs bent, pregnant
God bless the day she wondered where her egg went
I need a L, it’s hard to drink without it
And could use some kookies but trying not to think about it
Watching «BET» on jazz for knowledge on file
Every other commercial, college hoes gone wild
Soft batch, I prefer the other bunch, like we got for lunch
Chocolate fudge butter crunch
He don’t mess with the Ritz Bits, Wheat Thins, Saltines, or Triscuits
Matzos, or Cheez-Its
Catch sugar fits every time that he sees
Chips Ahoy, double chocolate chunk
Something with the bubble and the junk in the trunk
Even the Oreos
No matter what weather
Always kept 'em dipped in milk and stuck together
In the game he’s shameless, even uses a code name Famous Amos
It’s cheaper than a short stay at the day’s inn and good like 25 cent oatmeal
Give a hand to who invented the camera
Never mind the gingerbread man or the Grandma’s
Shh, make sure she don’t wake from her dream chill
Or get caught with a handful of cream fill
«Oh, honey! What are you doing? That’s so nasty!»
It might seem ill
«Ew! Go wash your hands!»