Перевод песни King Missile – Detachable Penis

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I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time--it's detachable
(Detachable penis)
This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it’s
gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don’t need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can’t for
the life of me remember what I did with it
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn’t find it. So I called up the
place where the party was; they hadn’t seen it either
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet, 'cause for some reason I leave it
there sometimes, but not this time
So, I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at
the party, but they were no help either
I was starting to get desperate. I really don’t like being without my penis for
too long; it makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit
down every time I take a leak
After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed. So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark’s Place, where all those
people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a
blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it--I had to buy it
off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen
I took it home, washed it off and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don’t
know--even though sometimes it’s a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable
penis
(Detachable penis)