Перевод песни Dane Cook – Turn On's Slash Turn Off's

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There's certain things in a person that turn you on.
They're called turn-on's. Teeth. I love a girl with nice teeth.
If you have a nice set of teeth, that's a turn-on for me.
If you open your lips and it's like «fchank fchank fchank»,
if it's like a booby trap —
I don't like when you open your mouth and it's like a battle of epic
proportions goin' on and your teeth are all screamin' at each other.
«I'm a molar, wisdom tooth, get the fuck out of my gums!»
«Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside, past the lips.
I enjoy a nice sea brezze from time to time.»
«Ahh! I'm the crazy yellow tooth that looks like corn!
Don't brush me! Don't brush me! I have an imagine to uphold.
Don't brush me, I'm yellow. I'm a yellow fang.»
Turn-on's. Then there's something called turn-off's and those are things
that turn you off.
If you were a droid, «uhnneww», you'd be turned off.
Like right off the bat, number one thing I don't like:
I don't like a stinky pussy. It's a turn-off.
I don't appreciate that.
Ladies, I'm sure you don't like a funky sack.
But then again, that'd be a great couple.
«You have a stinky pussy!»
«Smell my sack!»
«Ugh!»
«Huh?»
Turn-on's slash turn-off's — that's what we're talking about right now.