Перевод песни Dane Cook – The Friend Nobody Likes

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So I'm hangin' out with all of my buddies, and uh, I realize something
I realize something. Think of the group of people you've known
The longest in your life. Think of the group of friends you've hung out
With the most, maybe you're all here tonight
And this is what I realized, I had an epiphany, and here it is, right here:
There is one person, in every group of friends, that nobody fucking likes
You basically keep them there, to hate their guts
When that person is not around the rest of your little base camp
Your hobby, is cutting that person down
Example: «Karen, is always a douchebag.»
Every group has a Karen and she is always a bag of douche
And when she's not around, you just look at each other and say
«God, Karen, she's such a douchebag!»
Until she walks up, then you're like
«Hey, what's up Kar-? Kar-. What's up Kar-?»
There's always that one person — and I'm lookin' out and some of guys
Are like «Umm, I disagree.»
Well you're the person — You're the person nobody likes
«That's so true.»
I know, it is so true, and that's why it's funny
It is so true, that's why it's funny, because, it's so true, hence, funny
Your whole life that person has been there
That's how Brian is in our group. Nobody likes Brian
Yet everywhere we go, Brian would show up Even if we didn't tell him where we were going
We would go someplace and he would do that I Just Found You run
«H-h-h-h-hi guys. What's up guys?»
And one of us would always see him and warn the rest of the group
We'd be like
«Fucking Brian is coming.»
«What?»
«Fucking Brian is coming.»
That's his name, Fucking Brian Is Coming
I heard a rumor, when he was born, even the doctor said
«Fucking Brian is coming. Let's get this demon seed out of here.»
That's what I'm saying — quote, unquote
And you can quote me on the quote, unquote