Перевод песни Dane Cook – Not So Kool-Aid

I'll tell you what dream used to scare me when I was a little kid
Used to actually totally give me nightmares:
Remember those kool-aid commercials?
Where that, no, that talking bowl of punch
He would come crashing through your fuckin' wall in your living room?
You wouldn't even know it (crash)
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh Yeah!
Right? And all the little kids were all excited. «Yes! Yes!»
And then they would drink out of him after debris fell in his open, dumb head
He would pour himself. «Oh yeah! Oh yeah!»
Him and his crazy tights
I don't like that. I don't like when juice wears tights
It's a horrible combination, a bowl of juice wearing tights
Fuck drinking out of him, if that was me I'd be like
«No, no, no. You fix that wall before my dad gets home from work
He's gunna beat me with a belt
He's not gonna believe a talking bowl of fruit punch came in here
You stupid idiot
Yeah comin' through the wall is real fuckin' cool
Using the front door is cool! Don't touch me you drink!
Don't touch me you giant beverage!
You are sweating or condensating
I will kick you in the tights and you will go down your very top heavy
You glass bitch
You glass bastard.»
«Oh yeah!»
«Oh no. Naughty, naughty kool-aid.»
«Oh yeah?»
«No, no»
«Oh yeah?»
«No.»