Перевод песни MC Frontalot – Pr0n S0ng

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Click, close
You got to click, close
Just got hard-pressed underneath my desk
No jest! It’s time Frontalot confessed:
At the best of times, got the worst of rhymes
And I don’t think I’m the first to find
My life devoted less to lyrics
Than it is to my struggle for pyrrhic
Victory in the race to be
The interweb’s number one devotee
Of smutty little things that occur onscreen
(Risqué to — hey! — quintuple-x obscene):
MILFs who shave themselves so cleanly;
Twins in positions unseemly
My spleen ain’t the part that gets vented
I grabbed a hold and fapped like I meant it
Distended, probably oughta leave it alone
Spend more time stroking on the microphone
Got a boatload of midgets and they’re in command
Of a full-grown woman on her knees and hands
Got a long hard donkey and a farm girl too
And the braying’s so dismaying when he starts to spoo
Got to click close, put it away
‘Cause the internet is f-i-l-t-h-y
Lurking in #pass chans on the IRC
Got DCC’d unexpectedly
With an 80-minute XviD: Nuns In Heat
Part III: Bad Habits. I’m so leet
That I had that one already
Skipped to the part with the fishnet teddy
Whipped it out, but to my chagrin
One toss from a win when the boss walked in
Said «nuh-uh Front, that terminal ain’t
For a latex crucifix spanking a taint
In big 32-bit color
While them rosary beads get yanked out the cruller.»
I said «you can’t fire me; I quit!»
Opened up the case, yanked out the hard disk
Absconded, all with the data in hand:
31 years of Hustler scans;
Plans for how to construct a love-swing;
Alt.binaries.everything
Archived since spring of '92;
Receipt for my RealDoll’s stripper shoes;
Tools for an online poll I ran
(Vote once, tub girl or goatse man);
Glands galore, explore for hours;
Diaper play and roman showers;
Glory hole video, deep as it gets;
Mpegs of an heiress that she ought regret
Cap’d on cam from a hijacked feed
Half a terabyte, so whatcha need?
Got grannies in the front, trannies in the back
Red on brown on blond on black
Ganged up, tied up, all alone:
Every delectation to which I’m prone
Got the Japanese schoolgirl tentacle love
Got the furries in a flurry, they been yiffing it up
Got a Craigslist poster trading poo for pee
Got a deep dark dungeon full of hot bi Swedes
Got to click close, put it away
‘cause the internet is f-i-l-t-h-y
Click close, put it away
Cause the internet is f-i-l-t-h-y
Gotta click close
Gotta click close
The backslash on my keyboard’s stuck
Mouse wheel don’t turn ‘cause it’s all gummed up